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Writerisms and other Sins:
A Writer's shortcut to stronger writing.
by C.J. Cherryh
(c) 1995 by C.J. Cherryh
Copy and pass 'Writerisms and other Sins' around to your heart's
content, but always post my copyright notice at the top, correctly,
thank you, as both a courtesy and a legal necessity to protect any
writer.
Writerisms: overused and misused language. In more direct words: find
'em, root 'em out, and look at your prose without the underbrush.
1) am, is, are, was, were, being, be, been....combined with 'by' or
with 'by....someone' implied but not stated.. Such structures are
passives. In general, limit passive verb use to one or two per book.
The word 'by' followed by a person is an easy flag for passives.
2) am, is, are, was, were, being, be, been....combined with an
adjective. 'He was sad as he walked about the apartment.' 'He moped
about the apartment.' A single colorful verb is stronger than any was
+ adjective; but don't slide to the polar opposite and overuse
colorful verbs. There are writers that vastly overuse the 'be' verb;
if you are one, fix it. If you aren't one---don't, because
*over*fixing it will commit the next error.
3) florid verbs. 'The car grumbled its way to the curb' is on the
verge of being so colorful it's distracting. {Florid fr. Lat. floreo,
to flower.}
If a manuscript looks as if it's sprouted leaves and branches, if
every verb is 'unusual', if the vocabulary is more interesting than
the story...fix it by going to more ordinary verbs. There are
vocabulary-addicts who will praise your prose for this but not many
who can simultaneously admire your verbs as verbs and follow your
story, especially if it has content. The car is not a main actor and
not one you necessarily need to make into a character. If its action
should be more ordinary and transparent, don't use an odd expression.
This is prose.
This statement also goes for unusual descriptions and odd adjectives,
nouns, and adverbs.
4) odd connectives. Some writers overuse 'as' and 'then' in an attempt
to avoid 'and' or 'but', which themselves can become a tic. But 'as'
is only for truly simultaneous action. The common deck of conjunctions
available is:
when (temporal)
if (conditional)
since (ambiguous between temporal and causal)
although (concessive)
because (causal)
and (connective)
but (contrasting)
as (contemporaneous action *or* sub for 'because') while (roughly
equal to 'as')
These are the ones I can think of. If you use some too much and others
practically never, be more even-handed. Then, BTW, is originally more
of an adverb than a proper conjunction, although it seems to be
drifting toward use as a conjunction. However is really a peculiar
conjunction, demanding in most finicky usage to be placed *after* the
subject of the clause.
Don't forget the correlatives, either...or, neither...nor, and 'not
only...but also.'
And 'so that', 'in order that', and the far shorter and occasionally
merciful infinitive: 'to..{verb}something.'
5) Descriptive writerisms. Things that have become 'conventions of
prose' that personally stop me cold in text.
'framed by' followed by hair, tresses, curls, or most anything cute.
``swelling bosom'
'heart-shaped face'
'set off by': see 'framed by'
'revealed' or 'revealed by': see 'framed by'. Too precious for words
when followed by a fashion statement.
mirrors....avoid mirrors, as a basic rule of your life. You get to use
them once during your writing career. Save them for more experience.
But it doesn't count if they don't reflect...by which I mean see the
list above. If you haven't read enough unpublished fiction to have met
the infamous mirror scenes in which Our Hero admires his steely blue
eyes and manly chin, you can scarcely imagine how bad they can get.
limpid pools and farm ponds: I don't care what it is, if it reflects
your hero and occasions a description of his manly dimple, it's a
mirror.
As a general rule...your viewpoint characters should have less, rather
than more, description than anyone else: a reader of different skin or
hair color ought to be able to sink into this persona without being
continually jolted by contrary information.
Stick to what your observer can observe. One's own blushes can be
felt, but not seen, unless one is facing....a mirror. See above.
'as he turned, then stepped aside from the descending blow...' First
of all, it takes longer to read than to happen: pacing fault. Second,
the 'then' places action #2 sequentially after #1, which makes the
whole evasion sequence a 1-2 which won't work. This guy is dead or the
opponent was telegraphing his moves in a panel-by-panel comic book
style which won't do for regular prose. Clunky. Slow. Fatally slow.
'Again' or worse 'once again.' Established writers don't tend to
overuse this one: it seems like a neo fault, possibly a mental
writerly stammer---lacking a next thing to do, our hero does it
'again' or 'once again' or 'even yet.' Toss 'still' and 'yet' onto the
pile and use them sparingly.
6) Dead verbs. Colorless verbs.
walked
turned
crossed
run, ran
go, went, gone
leave, left
have, had
get, got
You can add your own often used colorless verbs: these are verbs that
convey an action but don't add any other information. A verb you've
had to modify (change) with an adverb is likely inadequate to the job
you assigned it to do.
Colorless: verb with inadequate adverb: 'He walked slowly across the
room.' More informative verb with no adverb.> 'He trudged across the
room', 'He paced across the room', 'He stalked across the room,' each
one a different meaning, different situation. But please see problem
3, above, and don't go overboard.
7) Themely English
With apologies to hard-working English teachers, school English is not
fiction English.
Understand that the meticulous English style you labored over in
school, including the use of complete sentences and the structure of
classic theme-sentence paragraphs, was directed toward the production
of non-fiction reports, resumes, and other non-fiction applications.
The first thing you have to do to write fiction? Suspect all the
English style you learned in school and violate rules at need. Many of
those rules will turn out to apply; many won't.
{Be ready to defend your choices. If you are lucky, you will be
copyedited. Occasionally the copyeditor will be technically right but
fictionally wrong and you will have to tell your editor why you want
that particular expression left alone.}
8) Scaffolding and spaghetti. Words the sole function of which is to
hold up other words. For application only if you are floundering in
too many 'which' clauses. Do not carry this or any other advice to
extremes.
'What it was upon close examination was a mass the center of which was
suffused with a glow which appeared rubescent to the observers who
were amazed and confounded by this untoward manifestation.' Flowery
and overstructured. 'What they found was a mass, the center of which
glowed faintly red. They'd never seen anything like it.' The second
isn't great lit, but it gets the job done: the first drowns in 'which'
and 'who' clauses.
In other words---be suspicious any time you have to support one needed
word (rubescent) with a creaking framework of 'which' and 'what' and
'who'. Dump the 'which-what-who' and take the single descriptive word.
Plant it as an adjective in the main sentence.
9) A short cut to 'who' and 'whom.'
Nominative: who
Possessive: whose
Objective: whom
The rule: 1) treat the 'who-clause' as a mini-sentence. If you could
substitute 'he' for the who-whom, it's a 'who.' If you could
substitute 'him' for the who-whom it's a 'whom'.
The trick is where ellipsis has occurred...or where parentheticals
have been inserted...and the number of people in important and
memorable places who get it wrong. 'Who...do I see?' Wrong: I see he?
No. I see 'him'. Whom do I see?
2) Who never changes case to match an antecedent. (word to which it
refers)
I blame them who made the unjust law. CORRECT.
It is she whom they blame. CORRECT: The who-clause is WHOM THEY BLAME.
They blame HER=him, =whom.
I am the one WHO is at fault. CORRECT.
I am the one WHOM they blame. CORRECT.
They took him WHOM they blamed. CORRECT---but not because WHOM matches
HIM: that doesn't matter: correct because 'they' is the subject of
'blamed' and 'whom' is the object.
I am he WHOM THEY BLAME. CORRECT. Whom is the 'object' of 'they
blame.' Back to rule one: 'who' clauses are completely independent in
case from the rest of the sentence. The case of 'who' in its clause
changes by the internal logic of the clause and by NO influence
outside the clause. Repeat to yourself: there is no connection, there
is no connection 3 x and you will never mistake for whom the bell tolls.
The examples above probably grate over your nerves. That's why 'that'
is gaining in popularity in the vernacular and why a lot of
copyeditors will correct you incorrectly on this point. I’m beginning
to believe that nine tenths of the English-speaking universe can't
handle these little clauses.
10. -ing.
'Shouldering his pack and setting forth, he crossed the river...' No,
he didn't. Not unless his pack was in the river. Implies simultaneity.
The participles are just like any other verbal form. They aren't a
substitute legal everywhere, or a quick fix for a complex sequence of
motions. Write them on the fly if you like, but once imbedded in text
they're hard to search out when you want to get rid of their
repetitive cadence, because -ing is part of so many fully constructed
verbs {am going, etc.}
-ness
A substitute for thinking of the right word. 'Darkness',
'unhappiness', and such come of tacking -ness (or occasionally - ion)
onto words. There's often a better answer. Use it as needed.
As a general rule, use a major or stand-out vocabulary word only once
a paragraph, maybe twice a page, and if truly outre, only once per
book. Parallels are clear and proper exceptions to this, and don't
vary your word choice to the point of silliness: see error 3.
CHERRYH'S LAW: NO RULE SHOULD BE FOLLOWED OFF A CLIFF.
C.J. Cherryh's homepage is located at www.cherryh.com . To make sure
you can return, remember to bookmark Shelves in the Corner before you
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